Aging

When I moved to my apartment eleven years ago I made friends with a neighbor. It was an odd friendship, one, as she was 18 years older than me, and two, because we are so very different.

I could never figure out why she liked me as I was a creature of whim, and was never ruled by routine. She is a very precise person, in her diet, in taking her meds, in how she does things. But we bonded over her innate sense of kindness.

We were standing in the lobby of our building, waiting for the snowplow to finish clearing the parking lot. The weekly papers were sitting on the table, and I grabbed a couple, one for the weekly flyers and the other for the local news and the crossword puzzle.

I didn't know she had the newspaper delivered daily until I found a week's worth of puzzles, neatly cut and clipped together in my mail slot. I did the neighborly thing and thanked her with  some home baking.

That was the beginning of our friendship.

I'm not sure I would have finished my first book if I hadn't had her ear to listen to my ideas, my stops and starts, to read what I wrote and give me encouragement to continue.

We spent a lot of time together, as it was easy to walk down the hall for a cup of tea.

The years since have not been kind, though we are both ambulatory. I have progressed from cane to walker (I have MS) and in spite of the fact she could use one or the other, she stubbornly refuses.

After two falls a year ago, and two concussions, she has deteriorated significantly into a state of, I suppose you could call it, dementia. I sometimes question her reasoning and she has lost most of her short term memory. Her vision has decreased and she has difficulty with reading, books, papers, menus.

We often went to Costco and as she has the membership, she paid for my items. I went to pay her back the last time and she didn't know how much I owed her nor did she remember that I did owe her. I joked and said I should have told her I'd paid, saved my money. I could have cheated her, with her none the wiser. I wouldn't of course, but others might. And that is a concern.

Yesterday we were out and there were so many mix-ups in the day because she couldn't remember what plans we'd made. I just go with the flow. But I know, for her sake, it's time someone gave her some tough love, as she doesn't have family close enough to know what is happening.

Next week will be that time. We're going to get her linked up with the Access Center, so she has a resource person to call when she needs more help,or the nurse's advice. We're going to arrange for a personal alarm, in case she falls again. And, we're going to look at other living accommodations, as she really should not be living alone, preparing her own meals.

She'll fight me on some of this, but I'll be persistent. I won't leave her to deal with all of this alone. I have my children and grandchildren to help me, she has virtually no one.

As she said yesterday, "Growing old sucks." I wholeheartedly agree.