The Alarms are Ringing, for Me and my Bra

My daughter gave me her unsolicited opinion on my undergarments. “You need a new bra,” she said.

“What?” I asked. “You don’t like the uniboob look?” Uniboob, that’s my term for when large size breasts are pushed together to form what looks like one big boob.”This old bra has lost its ability to lift and separate,” I told her.

But, she was right. My bra was old and worn. Buying new underwear was one of those things that I think about, but forget once I’m in the store.

I made buying new bras and underpants the purpose for my next shopping trip and came home with 2 bras and a 10 pack of panties.

The funny thing is, when I buy something new, I tend to set it aside, to save it for a special occasion, something other than lolling about the house. A silly habit I know.

I was behind in my laundry and looked in the drawer and found the bra I’d purchased last month, and pulled it out to wear. Later that day I went to Walmart to buy some yarn.

As I walked in the store the door alarm went off and I saw the store greeter stop a woman going out the door. How embarrassing, I thought.

On my way out the alarms sounded and the greeter approached, took my bags to ‘test’ and brought them back, telling me it was okay, I could go. But as I stepped forward the alarm set to blaring, again.

“It must be on you,” the greeter said. I suddenly realized the alarm that went off when I entered was triggered by me, and not the unfortunate woman leaving the store as I came in.

I looked at the greeter, a woman, and whispered, “I’m wearing a new bra.”

“That will do it,” she replied, nodding her head. “Did you cut the security tag off?”

“What tag?” I asked.

“There’s a special tag, under the brand tag that says ‘Remove Before Wearing’. It has a metal chip in it that sets off the alarm.”

Later, when I undressed for bed, I found that little tag, and clipped it off. I can now wear my new bra, with all its comfort and support, and be assured that I’m not going to be causing any upset at the door of the department store.

It’s a worthy concern, I could have ended up in a blooper video “The Shoppers of Walmart.”