The occasion was my father’s sixty-fifth
birthday. We went from planning his party, to planning his funeral with a suddenness
that was shocking.
He started that day as usual, with his
coffee, a cigarette and the paper, before he was to meet friends for a game of
tennis. He collapsed on the tennis court, and despite every effort, died from a
heart attack.
The following morning my brother and I
accompanied my mother to make the plans for his funeral. There was a florist
shop, very conveniently located on the same block as the funeral home. My
mother asked me to see to the flower arrangements and I set off, the responsibility
wearing heavy on my heart.
When I saw the orange Tiger Lilies, a
favourite of my father’s, I felt they were the perfect choice.
But my mother was an artist, so I couldn’t
make the final decision without her approval. I didn’t want her to be further
stressed because the selections didn’t suit her sense of colour and balance.
She approved all of my decisions, though given her frame of mind that day she
might have said OK to dandelions and daisies.
As we were leaving the store she stopped to
look at a basket of hibiscus sitting on the floor, her eye drawn to the vibrant
red blooms. I motioned my brother ahead and quickly made arrangements to have
the basket sent to the house, and signed the card from her children.
That plant meant a lot to her, as it was sent
to her specifically, and not directly associated with the funeral. She kept just
those blooms; and sent all the funeral flowers to local nursing homes and
hospitals.
Months later, Mom planned a trip to Florida . She and my Dad
had a home there, close to my grandmother, and there were matters that needed
her attention. I was given the responsibility of caring for the hibiscus in her
absence.
I have to say, there is absolutely nothing
green about my thumb. I had silk plants, and blamed my lack of any real
greenery on the cats, not owning up to the fact that I killed every plant I had
with the drought/ flood syndrome.
That means I’d forget to water the plant
until it was desert dry, and then I’d flood it in an attempt to bring it back
to life. The hibiscus died a particularly bloomless death in my care.
Shortly before Mom returned from Florida , I went back to
the florist and bought another hibiscus, they all looked the same to me, red
blooms and green leaves. I put it in the original basket and proudly, and
quickly, returned it to her.
The next fall, once again, I was given the
care and responsibility of The Hibiscus. No, no, no. Not again. Why did this
plant thrive and bloom for my mother, and wither and die for me? OK, regular
watering might be a factor, but really, I did water it, occasionally, not
regularly, but sometimes.
So, in the spring, I ventured out again,
and bought my mother another damn hibiscus. Keeping up the charade that it was
the same plant, good daughter that I am, I gave it back to her with grace and
good riddance.
That next fall, when she was planning her
trip south, I could only shake my head. I might as well have thrown that plant
out the minute she’d left; the result would be the same.
We had dinner the night before she was to
leave, when she said there was something she needed to talk to me about. She
started off with a serious tone, but couldn’t stop herself from laughing. “You
don’t have to buy another plant,” she said, “much as I appreciate the thought
and effort.”
“You knew it wasn’t the same plant?” I
asked.
“Of course, I knew.”
Yes, of course she knew, the way mothers
always know.
I think of her whenever I see a hibiscus. When
I saw one today, it brought back this warm and wonderful memory, that I just
had to share.
Love you, Mom.
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