Faerie Tarot Cards

 

A number of years ago I bought myself a set of tarot cards, not for reading but for the art. There are so many possibilities on many different themes.

I was given a set that came in a beautiful box, cards plus a hardcover book on how to do a reading, including the meaning of each card. 

I found it this morning when looking on my bookcase for another book and was drawn to look at them. Kind of a “the faerie made me do it” thing.

I skimmed read the beginning.  Directed to spread the cards out face up, I was to pick the card that appealed the most, and the one that appealed the least.  The first, most liked card represents what I’m trying to create, the least appealing is a message from the universe.  

The first wants me to explore who I am, to discover parts of my talent and potential that have been hidden by old traumas, misunderstandings or lack of opportunity.  Funny that I just put my sewing machine away to get back to art. I haven’t painted in over a year. Not because of the pandemic but more to with with my falls last Christmas and a change in my health status. 

I’ve been using the art, photography and tutorials on Pinterest for inspiration. I usually do mixed media collage and was thinking I might give watercolour or pastels a try. 

The second card, my message from the universe, is telling me to lighten up. I’m to have more fun, be adventurous, try new things. 

I’m a firm believer that things happen for a reason. There was a message for me in those cards, that I needed at this time. 

Think I’ll try watercolour first, try some new techniques, something different. LOL. We’ll see how it works out. 

Letting Loose my Mad

 I know my life must seem incredibly boring. I live alone during a pandemic, when we are directed to stay home. For the most part, I can handle that as I have my crafts and my books, and television.

My TV is always on even though I don’t always pay a lot of attention to it. For daytime hours it’s on the same station all day, the Discovery Channel. Not my usual as I’m a crime fan but it works.

The crime shows I watch are two back to back episodes of old CSI New York.  I realized as I caught myself giving my opinion, out loud, that I miss having that sharing conversation about issues from what ever show or movie I’m watching.

Most often it’s just a show, and other times it’s emotional impact is best discussed to relieve that emotion.

To better understand I’ll give you a quick overview. High school teacher is murdered in the science lab during a dance. Students phones are gathered and the computer geek on the team renders all those photos into a panoramic of the gym. The teacher is caught leaving the gym with a male student. 

They question the police chief’s daughter as she has had many meetings with said teacher, has had a drastic change in her behaviour and is seen at the dance.

Her father is irate she is questioned and interferes, not allowing her to be involved. But she is involved and they question her further. She asks to speak to the female detective and wants her father out of the room. 

You can probably guess what she has to say.  The assumption that the teacher had crossed the line was wrong. It was the student the teacher had followed out of the gym. 

Turns out the student was not 18 but a very young looking 28, and was smart enough to ace high school, both socially and scholastically.

He and the pervert acting as his father were a team, raping high school girls. Girls that dated the fake high schooler, were drugged by him before the team committed their crime. The girls had only vague memories due to the drug and were too embarrassed and shamed to come forward.

Back to the cop’s daughter. She didn’t want what happened to her to happen to another girl, and had seen the ‘boy’ put something in her drink. She tells the teacher, he and the boy go to the science lab where the team of rapists kill him. 

Our girl confesses all to the detective and they bring that criminal team in for questioning.  The police have them cold.  Their fingerprints show they are repeat offenders, and they show no remorse for their actions. 

Suddenly a shot is heard and everyone rushes down the hall to find the police chief has shot and killed the young man who raped his daughter. End of show.

And I am left with all this emotion and no one to release it all to.  So I thought of you guys so here goes.

That father is so selfish. Does he not realize that what he just did will add to the stress his daughter feels. She needs her father’s love and support but will be denied because the jerk will be in jail for murder.

He thinks he avenging her rape, but he’s not. He’s flexing his cop ego. His daughter was attacked and he knew nothing. All his experience as a cop did not clue him into the fact that there had to be a precipitating event that caused the change in his daughter’s behaviour. Was he not paying attention?

I think his ego made him do it. How dare that punk ruin his fantasy of his happy family. How dare he go after a cop’s kid. He makes me so mad I needed to work out why, and set it aside. 

We all want our children to grow up safe, to be successful, to lead happy and productive lives.  There’s a sort of pride in that, as if their accomplishments mean we, as parents, have done a good job and can rest easy. But it doesn’t always happen that way, and just to let you know, if you haven’t figured it out by now, parenting never ends.

This poor girl, (and yes I know it’s fiction, but all fiction is based on reality somewhere) must deal with that very personal attack that will affect her sense of self, her trust in others, her safety. And now, on top of that, she will carry the burden, the guilt, of her father’s actions. He has added to her trauma, and destroyed the family and any sense of safety and belonging she had there.

So he was an insensitive jerk, who killed that young man to satisfy his ego, with no thought to his future, the future of his family or the needs of his daughter. That’s why I was mad 

I feel better now I got that out of my system. Thanks for listening. 

Returning the Favour

 I was streaming and discovered a Facebook show starring Mike Rowe. I’ll admit I really didn’t know who he was, but recognized his voice from commercials I’d seen on TV, advertising his then show called ‘Dirty Jobs, on the Rowe’d Again’.

His voice is very distinctive and when I googled the show I learned he had been an opera singer. Surprise, surprise.  

So this new show, well new to me as most of the segments I watched were prior to COVID, is a paying it forward kind of thing. Mike and his crew travel across America looking for people who are unselfishly dedicated to their community and surprise them with cash, and usually supplies to help them keep their efforts going. 

The recipients are your plain, everyday kind of people who want to make a difference, and they did. This is a case of donating time and energy, rather than a donation of money for the tax benefit and then gone.

One show had a chef who was out of work as his restaurant was closed during shutdown. He realized many families were having trouble making ends meet, and putting food on the table was a major concern. He built a box at the curb in front of his house and filled it wth groceries. It operated like one of those mini libraries you see throughout some neighbourhoods where you can take a book, leave a book.

His program took off to where he basically ran a free store out of his garage as others started to support his endeavours. At the end of the program Mike Rowe and his team presented him with a cargo van painted brightly with the name of the chef’s pantry, the back refurbished with shelves and filled with groceries. There are usually corporate sponsors who generously give cash or supplies to keep things going.

Another was about a once single Mom who supported other single moms by getting them furniture and other household items. She got storage space and furniture. 

There was a policeman who road a bicycle through some of the hardest hit neighbourhoods in a large city. He made himself known to families, gave out sports equipment, bikes and bike helmets to kids that could never have afforded such items. What’s interesting is the policeman is white and the kids all of colour.

The list goes on and on. A feel good program that shows a side of America we don’t often see or hear about. 

It’s very unfortunate that when I googled Mike Rowe and the show, I read an article that said the show had been cancelled, quite recently and it seemed with no warning.

It’s too bad, I was just beginning to believe there was a different, more caring America than the one that fills the news. Way to go Mike.

Valentine Surprise

 I found a surprise in my mailbox yesterday. 

A small plastic bag with hearts all over it, and inside a pink, lightly stuffed, crocheted heart with a tag. A smaller heart was attached. It was given anonymously so I have no one to thank.

Many of my neighbours are older, isolated from family and friends. Many are not on the internet so even more isolated. This would have been an unexpected surprise.

It was a thoughtful gesture, one that was greatly appreciated. It has a small ring so it can be hung and I think I’ll hang it in my window for that generous person to see. ❤️

My Prickly Friend

 A few minutes ago I found myself apologizing to my prickly cactus. I was saying how sorry I was that I had not watered it, and thanked it for the ‘sharp’ reminder when I accidentally touched it.

Having a green thumb is not something I can lay claim to, inside or out. I always blamed the cats. Can’t have potted plants when the cats dig in the dirt. The fact that my gardening consists of periods of drought followed by a flood is immaterial.  

But my little cactus has lasted years. It sits on the table beside my chair and gets water when I think of it and the water is handy.

Maybe the plants are adapting to my ways, because the beautiful potted plant I got last Mother’s Day lasted through the summer heat right into fall. I was amazed, as a May gift of flowers never lasted beyond the August heat.

Times they are a changing.

So Sue Me!

 I broke the rules, shame on me, but it was so worth it. 

By the Covid-19 rules in Ontario, people were to stay home unless they were working or shopping for necessities, like groceries. A sort of...what’s in your bubble, stays in your bubble.  It’s been six weeks or so since this stricter lockdown was ordered on the day after Christmas.

Considering that there are a number of one person households, like mine, often with a (hate saying this) a senior citizen who may have special needs or maybe just needs a bit of help, along with some friendly words.

I haven’t left my place in all these weeks and for the most part have been content. I break the rules by associating outside my bubble with, how dare I, two other bubbles.  Each of my children have been by at least once a week and text often to ask if I need anything.

Today I burst the bubble and had a visit from two of my granddaughters, and the timing couldn’t have been better. I’ve felt like crap for days, and the sunshine has not been enough to lift my spirits. 

I have been crafting, of course. Asked to make four valentine gnomes for a friend, I made nine as I had too many ideas and thought there should be a choice. I have also make stress balls, Izzy dolls, and two pocket scarves of my own design. And not to forget the ‘Among Us’ hats and character dolls. 

Wanting to put everything on line to sell, I needed the girls to model the merchandise. They also helped me put stuff away on high shelves and in hard to reach cupboards so that my sofa is clear as is my worktop, except for my friendly gnomes.

That stuff was convenient but not important, because living with the bits and pieces of my various creative endeavours is normal. The clearing space an occasional necessity.

What I needed was the smiling faces, the quick and easy chatter, the love, the belonging and the needing and being needed in return.

I felt so much better after they left, for the visit, not for their leaving. So screw the rules. 

Strangely enough, we’d been talking about the current Facebook and how much it’s changed, and not for the better. I told the girls that it was through Facebook that I connected with an old friend, and lo and behold who called me this afternoon but that old friend. She must have sensed something (cue music, do do do do do do etc.).

Who would not be cheered up by these beautiful faces? I broke the rules, so sue me lol.

Lockdown continues

 We are still in a level of lockdown even though the kids have gone back to school in real time.  I know it’s been hard on them as kids are usually social animals and being home for an unknown length of time is hard on them, social media or not.

I am a solitary person, always have been, but even I miss real face to face interactions. I’m fortunate I have my family close enough to visit, even if it is just for a few minutes when delivering groceries or some other item I might be in need of.

Texting has replaced phone conversations and today when my cellphone rang I didn’t know what it was. My daughter was picking me up a few groceries in the store in her town, a store with great deals this week. She called from the store for verification on a few items, then called again as she made her way through the store 

After that I got to thinking and realized it’s been more than a year since I’ve been in a grocery store. Last winter I had my groceries delivered and have continued to use that service ever since. A few times in the summer I grocery shopped on line and did a curb pickup. It was nice sitting in the car with the windows down, the summer breeze blowing through, the sun warm on my skin. 

I miss looking at the variety of products on the store shelves, and being able to makes my choice. Often I knew products by sight rather than by name so rely heavily on weekly flyers for my selections. Online shopping sounds like it would be easier but there are too many choices and it’s tiresome to skip back and forth comparing prices, sizes and manufacturers.

When this ends (wishful thinking) and life returns to a new normal I don’t feel my life will change much. I’m afraid my tendency to be a loner has deepened almost to a fear of going out. I have everything I need here, all my books, my crafts, television plus my iPad which gives me the internet.  

Maybe it’s just winter that makes me feel that way. Our road is partially snow covered and it’s an added struggle to go out, pushing the walker I use for balance and support and hoping to hell I don’t fall. When spring comes, and it can’t be soon enough, I’ll probably feel different the first time I can sit in the sun and breathe the fresh air. 

Six more weeks, I think that’s what the groundhog predicted. I can manage that. I have a number of projects to finish before spring.